15 February, 2012


There is no excuse for bullying...but that doesn't stop a bully from being a bully.
Even though now I am a stronger person it still amazes and stumps me that there are people who still wish to control the things that I do, and the choices that I make for myself (and my son) no matter how much they keep repeating that they don't care about me or what I do with my life (yes, we're talking complete contradictions here).

Bullies are a 'speacial' kind of breed. I've done the research. I understand they have their own self-esteem and insecurity issues. But geez louize, give me a break.

Then I am reminded that bullies are drawn on power. They feed on it greedily like dogs who spy the BBQ meat sitting on a table unwatched and make a snatch and grab. Don't laugh, this actually happened. We saw the sausages falling over the edge of the bench like rope uncoiling.

Bullies come in all mediums too. There are those that are aggressive-in-your-face-bullies, the stand-over-tactic-bullies, the phone bullies and the cyber bullies. But my absolute favourite type (NOT) are the bullies that don't bully you when others are watching. No, when they have an audience they are charming and suave. They wait and do it over the phone or via emails. Which makes me think they have their own power/insecurities/self hatred. Heaven help them that the world ever sees them for their real personality instead of the phony one they project.

So what do we do? There is all kinds of advice out there: react, don't react, tell a friend, tell the authorities, ignore it...the list is endless.

What do I do? Well, I try not to react straight away. I know that when the bullying begins I tend to go from stable girl to emotional girl pretty quickly. So if I'm on the phone I know I need to end the call ASAP! But, never by hanging up. That shows no poise at all. Think of what Nan would do: retain politeness then later on when you reflect (and you will) you won't be thinking 'Oh gosh, why did I do/say that?' If its via the net or email, print out what was said/typed and then go away and leave it for an hour. Make notes of what you'd like to say (so you can look at it later on and more often than not scribble out what you would have sent), but never, and I mean Never, email back when the 'emotional girl' has taken up residence. You are bound to act on impulse and then say something you wish you hadn't later on.

The best advice I can give: have a cry, have a chocolate/box, have a cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, and remember the reasons why you decided that you are a woman who deserves better and has taken the steps to make it better. Above all else, act with poise so you can look yourself in the mirror later and be proud that you are so far above the bully's level.

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